Understanding the philosophy of unschooling

---

So, basically what happened was I did the unthinkable to the majority of parents.

I stopped making my kids study schoolwork.

I stopped making my kids learn art, music, and sports.

I stopped limiting video games, screen time, and snacks.

If they do any of them now, it’s because they want to.

We didn’t always unschool. When we first began our homeschooling journey, we did school-at-home. I made a chart that hung on the wall where everyone knew exactly what we would do at any given time from the moment we woke up to when we went to bed. Everything that goes into my boy’s day was on the timetable. It didn’t work for very long because it was driving me crazy. One of the perks of homeschooling is having flexibility in your schedule, so why on earth was I running the house like a factory?

Then, we tried all sorts of different homeschool methods, like unit studies, where you choose a topic, say, Easter, and then we studied math, science, language, art, and music related to Easter. Or a Steiner curriculum that was more philosophical and very gentle and followed a child's spiritual development.

Everything changed when I sat down and asked myself, “What do I REALLY want for my boys? How do I want them to grow up, and what will be important in the world they will live in in 2050?” Now, that is a good question, if I may say so myself.

A phrase I came across at that time said,

“21st-century students are still being taught by teachers using 20th-century pedagogical practices in 19th-century school organizations.”

I was born in 1978. When I was growing up there was no handheld device to do internet banking, research, or talk for free with someone in a different country. Saying the world has changed in just 30-40 years is a gross understatement. So imagine in the next 30 years what kind of life we would be living.

Around the same time, an article said 60% of the occupations won’t be around when our kids are working citizens. Nowadays I feel that percentage might become higher. Anything AI can do, they will only become better and human labor as we see it today may become obsolete.

Swinging back to my own question about what skills my boys needed so that they would be able to keep up and adapt in 2050, were these 5 points.

• Know who they are

• Know what they love

• Know how to learn and how they learn

• Know how to execute/express

• Know how to collaborate with others

Notice that I didn’t include academic excellence at all. School achievements, IMO (in my opinion), will become obsolete. It is a waste of time to memorize anything that we can google. The brain has better things to do, like, think and create.

The beauty of unschooling is that this philosophy fundamentally celebrates the individuals' differences. To give you an example, I gave birth to all three of my boys. No doubt about it. I remember VIVIDLY. But, all of them could not be more different from each other. Joey is a genius when it comes to creativity. Andy’s dedication to personal development, both inside and out, is phenomenal. Toby can get straight A’s in his sleep with an exceptional understanding of numbers and a passion for cars. 

They know exactly who they are because every challenge tells them how they need help. Every excitement tells them what brings them joy, and they would go the extra mile to pursue excellence because it matters to them.

They know how they learn because they were given the freedom to be curious and grow their desire to learn, so they needed to know their learning style. Also, because they figured it out themselves, they can ask for help that is meaningful to them and easier for others to provide.

They know how to collaborate with others because the boys know their strengths and how to contribute to the group, and they know their weaknesses just as well, so others who possess that strength can also contribute.|

You see, this is the future that I see coming. 

Everyone comes as they are, and the synergy works beautifully because of it.

Competition becomes obsolete because it’s more of a disservice to yourself by trying to do it all and burning out. Think of it as an intellectual barter system. It’s giving and receiving. It’s being supported and supporting others. It’s about inviting more people in when you need it and reaching out when you can.

Not feeling good enough about yourself will be no longer.

All of this started because the system really wasn’t working. If a school can expel a student for not learning fast enough, then that’s one too many children who face injustice.

Everyone wants the world to be a better place, and I am a firm believer that it starts at home.

Create your vision of the world you want to live in, for your child to live in, at home. 

They do say the answers lie within you.

Much love,
Rino

---

As you can see, respect is a feeling. Respect is felt. It means that one needs to feel respected to know how to show respect.

And this is where it gets tricky for parents. “Why should I show respect to our kids? And how?”

First, it is important to understand that children's world centers around them. Not because they are self-centred but because they still do not fully understand that there is a bigger world outside of their parents. Yes, for a child, parents are their world.

Wanting to be loved and accepted by their parents is a survival mechanism for children. This might sound like an over-exaggeration, but it is literally a life-or-death situation to upset their parents. When a child begins to talk back to you, they assert themselves, letting you know that they are not an extension of you. This is when we should begin the process of teaching them the concept of respect.

Nurturing the value of respect is an investment done over time with humility, curiosity and fierce honesty. Imagine a time when you felt disrespected. Didn’t it make you feel unseen, unheard and misunderstood? Did you feel anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, insecurity, betrayal, defensiveness, confusion, resentment or self-doubt?

In essence, respecting children involves treating them with the same dignity and consideration that we expect for ourselves, recognizing their unique perspectives and capabilities as individuals deserving of respect.

Parenting can be done with the same skillset as a great leader. 

---

Set a vision: Define family values.

Empower autonomy: Offer choices and encourage independent thinking. Honour them.

Build trust: Be consistent and honest.

Enhance communication: Listen actively and provide clear explanations.

Lead by example: Model respect, empathy, and integrity.

---

There’s a missing piece to why children might end up disrespecting parents. The missing piece is this: If we could see children as sovereign individuals who have autonomy, we would start treating them the way we would like to be treated.

The side benefit of this approach is that we also end up teaching our children about boundaries. Boundaries are a topic of and by itself that requires deep self-reflection and brutal honesty with ourselves.

In closing this article, I would like to invite you to consider this one question if your children might be disrespectful toward you. 

“What did I do?”

---

PREVIOUS ARTICLES