Fearless Parenting: Guiding Neurodiverse Kids to Thrive and Succeed
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In our Canadian society, a significant portion of children – 59.8% according to Statistics Canada's 2006 Participation and Activity Limitation Survey (PALS) – are diagnosed with learning disabilities. This statistic represents a challenge familiar to many families, including mine. My own journey as a parent has been deeply intertwined with understanding and supporting my two sons, among three, who have learning disabilities and mental health concerns. Joey, my eldest at 19, is autistic, dyslexic, and has a language processing disorder. Andy, 15, faces daily struggles with OCD and anxiety. Their paths to these diagnoses began with Psych-Ed assessments at the ages of 5 for Joey and 10 for Andy.
The decision to share Joey’s diagnosis with him was filled with uncertainty. Would this knowledge empower him, or would it cast a shadow on how he viewed himself and how others viewed him? The varied reactions we encountered – from surprise to well-meaning but misguided comments – only heightened my fears about his future in a world that often misjudges those who are different.
This experience led me to deeply ponder the meanings of ‘success’ and ‘happiness’. In our social circle, dominated by Ivy League alumni and high-achievers, Joey's unique challenges seemed to set him on a divergent path. I had to confront the hard truth that academic success is not merely a result of effort. Joey's struggles were not about his willingness to try but about a system not designed for his way of learning.
This realization brought about a crucial shift in perspective. For Joey, happiness is not found in grades or academic achievement but in his ability to express his creativity and excel in his personal endeavours. His understanding of success is intrinsically linked to his journey of self-expression and striving for excellence in his work. Andy, on the other hand, finds his happiness in the pursuit of his goals, approaching life with diligence and determination. His satisfaction comes from the process itself, cherishing the effort and perseverance involved in achieving his objectives. Meanwhile, Toby, my youngest, envisions a life filled with ambition and success, defining happiness in terms of achieving his dreams of wealth and grandeur, which are not necessarily bound to the traditional paths of academia either.
This diversity in their perceptions of happiness and success illustrates a fundamental lesson: these concepts are subjective and personal. This understanding has profoundly influenced my view on the importance of labelling in the context of learning disabilities. Labels provide a crucial framework for understanding, supporting, and embracing each child's unique journey.
Moreover, labels facilitate empowerment and self-advocacy. Joey's ability to articulate his needs and challenges has been a transformative journey. He has developed skills essential for self-advocacy, which have proven invaluable in his part-time job and further education, where he must navigate challenges independently.
Andy's disciplined personality, coupled with his understanding of his mental health needs, has led to him choosing a hybrid education approach where he alternates between attending school and taking online courses, depending on the subject.
For parents facing the decision of whether to seek a diagnosis or accept one, it's important to realize that embracing neurodiversity is about empowering your child to unlock their full potential. It's about enabling them to define success and happiness on their own terms, liberated from societal expectations.
In closing, embracing labels and neurodiversity is not merely about understanding our children better; it's about crafting a world where they can flourish in their own unique ways. By challenging the traditional notions of success, we foster a more inclusive and empathetic understanding of happiness and achievement, opening the door to a world of possibilities for our children.
References:
1. Statistics Canada. (2006). Participation and Activity Limitation Survey (PALS).
2. Phillips, T. (2018). Humans: A Brief History of How We F***ed it all up.
